I first noticed it a few days before Thanksgiving.... the sugar free Key Lime "sparkling water" was disappearing right and left from every store in Southern California (don't be fooled by those blue tops, boys -- they're few these days, but they got sugar in them).

Being the reasonable shopper I am I just assumed that this beverage, of which I was in the habit of downing 2 liters a night, would soon be back. I bought Raspberry, then Peach, tossing in some Grapefruit Tangerine to keep life spicy - but as T-Day passed and the stores showed no sign of even attempting a restocking, these flavors were soon subject to panic buying.

So here I sit, with my stash of Black Cherry sugar free sparkling water, the ONLY flavor left in the God Forsaken town except the ever dreaded Mango/Tropical Mango/Peach Mango (or "Tangerine Lime which is shit, but won't last long).

And every day I go to the store(s) and buy as much of it as I can carry, because I know the alternative and it isn't pretty.

What is it about the Key Lime? I mean they're taking all the calories out -- can't they just use REGULAR lime? Did the Florida Keys get hit with an early freeze?

I don't know... all I know is someone could make a shit load of money trucking the real shit in from anywhere and selling it in supermarket parking lots across the Southland. It'd go faster than free smack at an NA convention.

[With that, Bao Dai was carted away crying and babbling about Sugar Free Key Lime Sparkling Water Beverage (or free smack -- no one seemed too sure)