<center><p> <b><u>REVIEW OF THE WEEK</u><p> by<p> BAO DAI OF HOLLYWOOD</b><p> </center> <left> DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD, 4 FEBRUARY 2001<p> </left> <center> <b><u>DID BILLY AND HIS CRAZY PENIS HAVE IT THIS ROUGH?</b></u><p> </center>

I've got to make this fast... Aunt Nasty died and I either must head back East or at least feel slightly guilty for not doing so.

Anyway, I know I'm going to catch a shit load of flack for this, but almost eight years ago to the minute I remember looking up from a hospital bed where I lay in traction and asking "We just elected the Governor of WHERE President?" - and I was using "where" in a Gertrude Stein kind of way -- not that I knew where Arkansas was, but I wasn't about to admit that to the self styled intellectual with whom I was having the conversation.

In response, I was told what a great guy Clinton was and that he would be a great President, "just what the country needs after 12 years of fascist rule" or words to that affect.

Well, this morning I wasn't looking up from any hospital bed, and the self-styled intellectual who answered me eight years back is doing 25 years because of what he still no doubt considers "enlightened" leadership (and cursing himself for not dropping a couple million into some out of the way Democrat's Campaign Slush Fund if not for passing up that invite to spend his night in DC in the Lincoln Bedroom as "just too pricey", but I asked the same question, although I know where fucking Texas is -- everyone knows that -- shit I spent a day crossing it by train (something folks won't be able to do for long if W has his way, although diesel engines run on lots of good, dirty oil). So I was being very Gertrude Steinish. Only this time I was even, frankly, more worried, as the self style intellectual sat across from me in the living room of his Hollywood Bungalow with the Fox News Network blaring in the background and started babbling on about "Just what the country needs after eight years of communist rule, and cursing those darn reds for having swiped all the 'W's from computer keyboards (and Howard Stern says we should make Clinton buy everyone a new computer, which I thought was Gore's idea, which if he had invented the Internet would have been a lot like Old Man Rockefeller buying everyone a Ford, except ISPS, mile per mile, are a fuck load cheaper than gasoline, which is why you won't hear my counterpart seventy years hence saying "That like Al Gore saying...." Oh fuck it.

Anyway, it seems all I've heard since W was inaugurated is that every thing is going to be "faith based" this or that, and that his cabinet is made up largely of beneficiaries of Odessa, with the exception of Colin Powell, who everybody likes -- and stuff like :"oh, you can't wear blue jeans to the White House anymore" said in this snobbish negative tone, as if I'd ever fucking WEAR blue jeans if I was invited to the White House.

It got me to thinking of how Bill Clinton used to be depicted, years back, as a pudgy junk food junky cum exercise enthusiast who managed to merge the tow jogging to Mickey Dee's for a quarter pounder and fries. Now W is being depicted as this idiot religious zealot tool of abortion clinic bombers.

his last day he pardons any abortion clinic bombers or white supremacists, and until then, we should at least give the guy a chance even if he is loudly and obnoxiously supported by a bunch of people like the guy in the bungalow this morning who stopped drinking one pint of gin too late and whose cockamamie view of the world and flights of fancy actually that allow him to think his stupid film production company is going to make money (and keeps paying me in points I know will never turn into dollars but who has, amazingly enough, attracted a few investors (apparently the Clinton Years were good enough to give some people enough money to toss a few thousand his way to keep his Wonder Land going, despite the fact he still hasn't figured out how to dub silence, or better yet some other noise, over whatever goes on mike as he's taping and his first "production" is a hobbled together piece which actually has a character played by two different actresses (not because it's about a woman growing older or anything -- because one quit midway through filming).

After all, W was duly elected by ... wait a fucking minute. He wasn't duly elected at all! He won because the boneheads in Florida couldn't figure out how to tally their votes and at least half the Supreme Court wants to retire but didn't want to do that if Al Gore was President because then they wouldn't be replaced by a bunch of people who are still convinced prohibition works as a social policy and abstinence works as a population control/disease control policy and who will be dumb enough to say so eventually when most of the country is either in prison or drunk on Sterno in the middle of the next great Depression, which based on the performance of my stock portfolio, has started.

So fuck it ... the governor of where is fucking President? No blue jeans in the White House? Shit, at least when Clinton said something like that he meant "take off your pants, here come some cute interns.

What a guy....