Hello and welcome to the Library at The Orange Mars. This month we are featuring Hunter S. Thomp.... Yes - you in the back. A question?
"Yeah. Look, it's pretty obvious you're just some idiot who shaved his head and stuck a cigarette in some kind of Aqua Filter - you aren't Hunter S. Thompson at all!"
Yeah well sit down and shut up. I never claimed to be Dr. Thompson....
"You never claimed it because we didn't let you get that far. I heard the real Dr. Thompson was here and..."
You want to take it outside, Lady? All I said is the Library is FEATURING Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, meaning his work, all of which you may buy by connecting to the huge warehouse at Amazon. Now, those works include....
"But I heard the real...."
You heard wrong you turkey necked geek.
"I think this is fraudulent misrepresentation!"
Well then why are you wasting your time here? There's some kind of spic law firm up the street if you....
"Excuse me, but do you think that type of bigoted language is...."
HEY! He called me a geek.
"No, he called you a fraud. You called that guy over there a geek, which I find rather strange coming from a man wearing a bald wig...."
WIG???? I'll have you know I had my head shaved by the finest barber in GeoCities....
"Still looks like a wig to me, buddy."
So what are you, the freaking wig police? Look, can we just discuss....
"I think you need to apologize for that Spic comment. As a person of Hispanic descent...."
Look, I know half you asses are just here waiting anxiously for Hee Jr. to get up so you can all rush him, trying to act all cool and casual like, so you can scurry like the filthy rats you are down to that Opium Den and get your fix for the day, so....
"Excuse me, but does the term 'spic' cover all people of Hispanic descent, or only those from Puerto Rico?"
"Now that's an intelligent question. I always refer to Mexicans as Wetbacks. I don't think he looks Puerto Rican. I think an apology is in...."
And I think you ought to be buggered with a cattle prod - I didn't call anyone a Spic, butt for brains.
"Excuse me - I believe you did - yes, it's right here in my notes."
NOTES? What kind of idiot comes to the dedication of a Library at an Opium Den and takes notes?
"What's the name of that lawyer? I'm going to...."
Go all ready. Cheesh - look at the little slime sucker move! AND DON'T COME BACK WITHOUT CASH! YOUR CREDIT'S NO GOOD HERE ANY MORE!
[Several people get up grumbling, cursing and throwing empty cans at the lecturer which he scurries about collecting, shoving them into a large Hefty Bag. He grabs a can out of the hand of a woman still sitting listening to the lecture].
"Hey. Give me back my Diet Pepsi!"
WHAT Diet Pepsi? What are you talking about? [Hew scans the room for any other cans. People hide their belongings under tables, chairs, in rain coats, in the light fixtures, behind dusty copies of Finnegan's Wake while others guzzle what ever is left of their drink and hurl cans and bottles at the lecturer, laughing].
Hey, you guys are great, this usually doesn't happen until near the end! Anyway, while your mouths are occupied, I just wanted to make a few brief comments.
This month the Library here at The Orange Mars is dedicated to Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and his works. Dr. Thonpson would be here himself, but he apparently didn't want to come, so I'm here, hoping you'll all BUY HIS BOOKS! Just type in his name in the little box and you should have a choice of the complete bibliography - including such notables as Hells Angels, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas which was recently turned into a cinematic enema playing at your local multiplex, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, 1972, which is, by the way, the most authoritative book ever written about that landmark election when a huge number of Americans re-instated Richard M. Nixon as President despite the fact it was clear he was guilty of numerous crimes against Man and God and would soon have to resign in total disgrace and flee Washington only steps ahead of a crazed mob carrying buckets of hot tar and many chicken feathers.
Additionally, the book no one should go to Hawaii without is, I think, available - The Curse of Lono. You might also pick up {LIST BOOKS}.
And while you can read more about Dr. Thompson, and see pictures at the following "Gonzo Worship Internet Sites":
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
He said that whenever anyone heard he was playing the infamous writer on the big screen they inevitably asked two questions:
1. Did you meet him?; and
2. Is he still...................? (The question need not be completed).
Depp said, "Yes and yes." Then, essentially, he noted that Dr. Thompson really lives his life for a hell of a lot of people.
The maturation of the Baby Boomers, something which once, on the distant horizon, appeared it might bring with it a Golden Age. Now America is in such a sorry state that we must admit that we need Hunter S. Thompson, because he, and a handful of others scattered to the Four Winds, still waves the Freak Flag boldly. He often does so standing alone, or with fair weather friends, in this season of our Century in which monsoonal torrents are rained upon us by all those geeks who didn't understand.... and who, if they dared venture at all, just went along for the ride and then always with a cautious eye toward "the possible consequences to the "permanent record," never understanding that for one glimmering moment, there was the chance to put that permanent record in its rightful perspective.
Dr. Thompson stands alone, howling like a mad man at the wind - the wind which betrayed us, or perhaps which we betrayed - for it once was the Wind of Change.
It is people like Dr. Thompson who stand, like those Minutemen of centuries gone by, ready to fight to the bloody death those who are slowly, methodically, whether under the guise of a Cold War, or a War on Drugs, or (that last gasp of the so-called moralists) to protect the children by leaving them an America fit only for people who mature into good big children - an America without liberty, tolerance and dominated by people with the gall to call themselves "Christian."
A "risk free" America, where all Americans with minds not in line are sent off to prison to eat bologna sandwiches and drink watery Kool Aide behind bars.
But so long as Dr. Thompson is around, living life on life's terms as he sees them, Americans are permitted the illusion that the America of their Grandfathers and Great Grandfathers still exists if possible, and if they wanted they could stretch a leg over a Vincent Black Shadow and ride free into that Wind of Change.
He's living for a lot of gutless people, and for that, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, the Orange Mars Virtual Opium Den salutes you
"Excuse me, but how do you spell Thompson?"
YOU!!! You with the NOTES!!!!! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL SECURITY!
"But...."
Look sonny - NO Buts - YOU EITHER BUY A BOOK OR GET OUT!
"But I don't want a book by Hunter Thompson. Someone might see me reading it and I'd lose the election for Student Body President and....."
Hahahahaha. Why don't you just click in "Eddie Buss Rocks'"? No one will care if you read that book - in fact, you'll probably quit half way through because you're too STUPID TO UNDERSTAND IT!!!!!
"But report is supposed to be on Hunter S......"
Hee Jr., take this clown to the Opium Den - here's twenty bucks. NAIL him into a cubicle if you must - just get him the hell out of here!
[Lecturer looks glumly into Hefty Bag]
Oh well, at least they were generous I suppose.......